'AITA for getting a tattoo I knew my husband wouldn't like?': Couple disagrees about woman's colorful 'memorial tattoo,' ignites internet debate

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 10, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

Tattoos and marriages are both supposed to be permanent, and this woman is wondering if she made a mistake.

When people marry, they vow to spend their lives together, for better or for worse. However, they never mention the 1,000,000 little things that you'll disagree on or bicker over during said marriage. Plus, people grow and change all the time, and that's just something you have to deal with as you and your partner grow older. This woman's relationship is facing some of those growing pains at the moment, and the internet can't decide who has the right approach to fixing the issue at hand. 

 U/Grognac_the_Red shared to r/AmItheA**hole her story. Simply put, she's been getting tattoos for some time, but she recently got a brightly colored rooster tattooed on her to honor her late father. When her husband saw it, the OP realized he was actually mad at her for getting the tattoo! 

See below for the story and the comments, which range from "YTA" to "NTA" to "ESH." And then click here to read a story of "Justice — dad style" as a father fights to get his children's dolls back from their neighbor. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9751917568
    via Allef Vinicius
  • 02
    Font - AITA for getting a tattoo I knew my husband wouldn't like? So teyears ago, around when i met my husband i got my first tattoo. Nothing crazy, just a flower on my ankle. As he was a new boyfriend at the time, i didn't really pay attention to his feelings or cues. A few years after we married and had our first child, I decided I wanted a light blue tattoo on my inner wrist to represent me and my baby A.
    via u/Grognac_the_Red
  • 03
    Font - And he was huffy, but didn't say why. So I got it. Three years later I wanted another small one for a Friday the 13th Special, and thats when he finally told me he didn't like tattoos. He didn't give reasons, but he said he didn't like them. However, he didn't stop me when I got something representing our favorite video game. Afterwards we had a long discussion about how much I have always wanted them, how they are important to me, and the styles I like vs. What he hated. When my dad rece
    via u/Grognac_the_Red
  • 04
    Font - So today I saved the final amount needed and went to my appointment. I got a very colorful rooster, about the size of my palm. I loved it so much. He saw it and is super ped. He's barely talking to me, and is asleep. I want to peel my skin off immediately. I now hate it, and want to undo it because I hate that he's mad at me. But he approved the design, it's just bigger than he expected. Was I wrong for getting it?
    via u/Grognac_the_Red
  • 05
    Font - Edit- Hi, everyone. I never expected this kind of response, and all answers were really interesting to read. Many of you agreed it was my body, my choice, and said my husband's feelings were invalid, which I disagreed with. He is not going to leave me over this, so let's take it easy. He is also not a bad person because he was shocked. Obviously photos vs the real thing are going to be different. Now that we've slept, I don't blame him for his initial reaction and needing time to process.
    via u/Grognac_the_Red
  • 06
    Plant - Also, the tattoo is on my ankle and I wear every day, so it's going to be pants/leggings easy enough to cover as it heals. Thank you for all the insight, everyone.
    via u/Grognac_the_Red
  • 07
    Font - serioushobbit - 16 hr. ago Aficionado [10] A NTA. Please, do the appropriate aftercare and nurture your beautiful memorial of your father. You will probably be glad later that you got it. Your husband needs to either set aside his feelings about tattoos in general to let you have bodily autonomy, or he needs to leave.
    via u/serioushobbit
  • 08
    Font - xoxnothingxox. 9 hr. ago NTA. he's not supportive of you if he's a sulky baby about it and makes you feel bad for getting it. especially in light of the circumstances where this is part of your grieving process. you deserve bodily autonomy and a truly supportive partner. i hope you get that, and enjoy your beautiful meaningful new tattoo.
    via u/xoxnothingxox
  • 09
    Font - Familiar_Remote_91277 hr. ago I can almost guarantee you are not married if you are suggesting someone's husband leaves because he doesn't like his wife getting tattoos.
    via u/Familiar_Remote_9127
  • 10
    Font - ebsbhwhsgsebebebw 5 hr. ago Idiotic response. If it was a face tattoo you'd see how s ty this was. For him this is as bad as that.
    via u/ebsbhwhsgsebebebw
  • 11
    Font - International-You442 14 hr. ago NAH You like tattoos, he doesn't. He still tryed to support you and as it seems he never blocked your choices over YOUR BODY. Yes your body your choice. But he said he doesn't find them appealing so if you get them regardless you have to life with the consequences. Consequences might be that his attraction to your body sinks, which is a thing nobody can critize. Everybody has his own prefers when it comes to s attraction and for some people tattoos can be a
    via u/International-You442
  • 12
    Font - FormalRaccoon637 12 hr. ago Parta: pant [1] | This. t NAH. I personally don't find piercings attractive (unless they're in the ears). If my partner decided to get multiple piercings on their body, I wouldn't criticise them for their choices, but I'd definitely not be attracted to them anymore. I might even leave them over this. People are allowed to have preferences. You can get all the tattoos you want, but don't be surprised if it affects your relationship.
    via u/FormalRaccoon637
  • 13
    Font - Dangerous-Example755 11 hr. ago Yup. The fact that he won't stop OP from having them and even approves of a design doesn't stop him from having feelings and that's a consequence OP needs to accept. He will likely be able to deal with them over time and OP will have to feel what she does now too. Humans can be complicated and still accept this about each other. NAH
    via u/Dangerous-Example755
  • 14
    Font - Whippet Dancer. 9 hr. ago I was at N A H until OP said husband isn't talking to her. Husband can have his feelings but giving the silent treatment is childish.
    via u/WhippetDancer
  • 15
    Font - Anxiousmangos. 1 hr. ago edited 1 hr. ago I think passive aggressively huffing and puffing about something you don't like your partner doing for YEARS is an AH move. If you dont like something, say it straight and say it early. Don't let years of resentment build up until you snap when you guys are already married, committed, and have a baby together. He may have the right to not like something, but he does NOT have the right to be snarky, rude, passive-aggressive, and give her the silent
    via u/Anxiousmangos
  • 16
    Font - If you're talking about your partner's body in a way that makes them "want to peel their skin off," you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. She's grieving about her dad for f sake, you really think now is the time for him to take some moral stand on how she grieves and how her body looks? Way to pile on and be unsupportive of your partner.
    via u/Anxiousmangos
  • 17
    Font - cheeseburgerwaffles · 6 hr. ago It's the selfish pouting that husband is doing that makes him TA in my eyes. Otherwise I agree that this would be N AH. He's essentially punishing his wife for her getting a tattoo. I have to imagine he's said some pretty choice things to OP if she's going so far as to say "I feel like I want to peel my skin off". Obviously that's a turn of phrase but it shows what is going thru her mind based on her husband's reaction, and unless OP is hyper sensitive, whi
    via u/cheeseburgerwaffles
  • 18
    Font - Deucalion666 - 15 hr. ago Professor Emerita [74] NAH he's allowed to not like tattoos just as much as you want to get them. I think this will potentially ruin your marriage though.
    via u/Deucalion666
  • 19
    Mammal - damagetwig 7 hr. ago Not very good marriage if tattoos can make him give up the whole person.
    via u/damagetwig
  • 20
    Font - CobraPuts 16 hr. ago Aficionado [14] Ehhh, I hate this, but I think YTA. A It's unkind that you surprised him with a tattoo much larger than he expected. It seems like despite his dislike of tattoos he has tried to stay supportive, and he is hurt that at some level you were dishonest or misleading about your plans. It's your body and you have the right to do as you please to it; nobody deserves control over that. But that doesn't seem to be what is at issue here, which is trust between th
    via u/CobraPuts
  • 21
    Font - linkling1039 7 hr. ago. edited 6 hr. ago Your body, your choice doesn't mean "you have to find me attractive no matter what". Autonomy to do anything you want to yourself is just as valid as having an appearance and personality dealbreaker.
    via u/linkling1039

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marriage memorial tattoos aita Father
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